When loss happens...
Tragedy is part of the human condition, I realize this, but why so much?
Yeah, I'm being philosophical at the moment, but it truly is related to events in my own life. Here I am at a crux in my training to become a pastor, and yet, I'm surrounded by tragedy. This week one of my classmates died of cancer, he was a friend of mine, a kind soul, and destined to be an amazing pastor, and yet he wasn't given that opportunity. Why? I know everyone questions why someone dies, but I can't help it. I know in my soul that God has reasons, that there is nothing done out of a plan, that this was meant for a bigger purpose, but why now? Why have him start seminary, be so ready and right for the job of spreading the Gospel, and take that away from him? Was sending him to seminary so that he could get closer to you? and be ready for this step? or was it for me? So that I and the people that had an opportunity to meet him and grow with him, were able to be with him, even if only for a short time? Or was it both? or none? I'm sure there could be many answers to these questions, and I trust in God's plan. Jerry, you were a joyful gracious presence in my life, and I thank you. May the grace and comfort of God's loving touch be with you, and touch all your family that is suffering.
So not only did a classmate pass away, but a classmate's mother died suddenly. We as humans don't fully understand the reasoning behind tragedy, and we deal with it differently. Some of us get bitter, taking it out on those that we love that still surround us, others take to doing reckless things, some pretend it didn't happen, but we all suffer. We suffer together as a human race, at the pain that is with us. We are one body, and we suffer together. This is important to me at this moment. To know that we are in this together, that I am with all their family as the grieve, knowing that however brief the encounter, or even never having met someone, everyone on this planet has affected my life. We are in a never-ending cycle, and that is something we need to remember.
I wonder if one day, instead of destroying each other, we can stand together to weather the storm that is human tragedy. To stand and support one another, in and through the Grace of God.
Memories will survive, although the body will not. Legacies are passed throughout the generations, and so none of us shall ever be forgotten, or unimportant, but rather we all effect the future and have been changed by the present and past.
Labels: death, grace, life, loss, love, pain
Some sort of grace rant...
So why is it so hard as a woman to move on from a guy? Why is it so hard to emotionally disconnect after something is so obviously over? Why do woman always look into these things like they could have done something to change it, like it is their fault, or they are not good enough.
I’ve discovered this isn’t true. It’s not a woman’s fault, she may have a part in it, but a relationship crashes because of two people. A relationship has always been about two people, two people with trust, compassion and love for one another. It is when one of those things disappears that relationships fall apart. If we all truly cared for other people, we wouldn’t have all these hardships. It would be easy to break up with other people, letting them know we love them for the person they are, but that we just can’t spend the rest of our lives living with them in romantic love. Respecting human beings seems to have disappeared from society. People cannot even respect each other on a purely primal level in order to not kill each other. Instead we have let ‘things’ get in the way of our ability to recognize the humanity in another. Society has become so obsessed with objects, that it is more important to shed blood in order to have money, then to see that poor defenseless flesh in front of us. Greed has done corrupt things to us, on so many levels. It all comes down to the fact that we don’t see the human in one another, we don’t respect one another.
People destroy one of the most intimate connections that they have with one another, when they stop realizing that we are all made of the same things, have the same emotions, and cherish life. I hope that is something we can realize through our relationship with God. That God created us, and although we do these terrible things to one another, and sometimes don’t even respect God, God still loves us. God puts up with all our crap, and still gives us eternal salvation, now that is love, that is respect and that is pure grace.
We could all use a little more grace in our lives towards one another. Show someone some love, even if you don’t think they deserve it, because let’s face it, did we deserve to have Christ die for us? No, but he gave that gift to us out of his love for us.
Labels: death, grace, greed, love, relationships
End of the Begining.
And it has come, the end to the beginning of my seminary career. It has been a transformational, informational, and fruitful first year.
It amazes me how much I can still learn about myself, my relation to God, and my future vocation. People have such complex edges to them, and I am able to help them through some of the biggest celebrations and mournings they will ever have. I have the opportunity to celebrate, cry, laugh, and grow with many people. Not many people can say that their job can bring them even closer to their faith.
Although I understand that I am just showing God's light through me, it's awesome that I get to be a bystander and facilitator of that power. Think about it...I get to preach God's word, wow! I get to proclaim the good news to everyone. To share with people the grace that God gives each on of us, and to comfort them with the knowledge that God loves them and everyone so much, that God saves us through our faith in Jesus Christ's death for each of us. God died, so that God may save us.
What a powerful message I get to deliver? What a powerful comfort I am able to facilitate to people? Each day I realize in greater detail that God called me for a reason. God called me to share with people the talents and care that I have inherently within me.
Seminary has been an awesome experience in itself. I connected on multiple levels to people here, had theological discussions, wrote some formative papers, explored myself, and came out as an empowered and excited woman. I think this year has truly been the year that I came into my own. I grew, I formed my own opinions and ideas, I explored those ideas in papers, I formed my theology, I got a voice. A voice which will be shown throughout the rest of my career. I have the power to challenge the intellectual aspects of Christianity and theology, and I have the heart to connect deeply and care for those people who are in need of seeing God's love.
I have realized a lot about what I would hope for my ministry. I have chosen to have urban ministry be my concentration. A choice, which I think God has also called me to, in that I feel very connected to the situations that people in urban settings go through, and I also would like to challenge current systems that are in place in urban settings, creating social change, breaking social codes, and striving for social justice.
Overall, I think I am more excited about seminary now, then when I first entered. It's just where I am meant to be, and I'm glad that God finally got through and I listened. :)
This post was more for myself, then anything, to document where I have come from and how I have changed. Here's to a great summer being a chaplain. *raises glass*
Have a great summer kids! I shall post about my experience as a Chaplain as I can, but my hours will be crazy, so no promises.
Pace e bene.
Labels: change, chaplain, first year, grace, LTSP, seminary, summer, urban ministry
