Thursday, March 4, 2010

Praying and Patiently (maybe) waiting.

I suppose it's very appropriate that we are in the season of Lent, and that we are encouraged to be in deep prayer and reflection at this time in the church year. As we pray and journey towards Holy Week, towards Good Friday and then the joy of Easter, I also await and journey in my own life and candidacy process.

As an assigned candidate for ordained ministry in the ELCA, I'm waiting to find out which Synod I will have my first call in. I was assigned to Region 7, the region which spans from SE Pennsylvania, to NE Penn, NJ, NY, and New England. I was overjoyed at the prospect of being closer to home again, at being able to drive home at holidays rather then fly. So now I wait, until March 14th, when the Bishops from Region 7 gather together with us, interview us (speed dating basically) and then make their decision by the close of the day.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't anxious. I want to know where my life is headed, I want to begin to anticipate the environment that I will be a pastor within. I'm being human, and needy. I want to be able to start viewing my future, and mostly I want to go where I want to be. And this is the hardest part, and a good lesson for me. As the song goes, "you don't always get what you want," and that is possible in this case. It's possible that God has a different plan for me then what I have in mind, and it's most likely the truth. I feel called to Metro NY, I think my gifts will be well used in urban ministry there, and that is what I am keep in prayer. I'm praying that I will be sent where I am needed, and that I will be able to get over my own wants and desires, and see that I was placed exactly where I was meant to be.

So please, keep me in prayer on this journey, and I will keep you up to date.

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Tuesday, March 2, 2010

The best of intentions.

I always promise to write in here, and then life, or class comes in and bam! no more posts. So once again, I'm attempting to begin actively blogging the last 80 days of Seminary! Woot! 80 days! 80! (does a little jump for joy).

As sad as it potentially could be, I'm overjoyed at the prospect of being done with school, being able to leave the paper writing behind, the stress of reading thousands of pages of academic books in a month, and being worried about the future behind. It's getting close, and as it does, I find myself caring less and less about what is going on around me. I just can't seem to invest myself in the community life anymore. Sure, I've got friends which I spend plenty of time with and talk through the future, argue over interpretations of theology, and laugh at the ridiculousness that is our classmates, but I just don't see the point in developing deeper ties to people I don't know well. It seems pointless, or maybe is just too much work for me right now. It would take effort to invest myself in someone else, and I'm too invested in getting myself out of here for now. And maybe that's how all seniors feel, so I'm not alone... However, I will say that at some time, I'll miss this place, maybe just not right away, and maybe not the assignments ever.

So through my intentions, and to savor as much as I can, and also to grieve as I have to, I hope to write more in here. To just throw it out there, mostly as an expression, but welcoming of all thoughts and encouragement as I prepare yet again, to leave a place.

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