The best of intentions.
I always promise to write in here, and then life, or class comes in and bam! no more posts. So once again, I'm attempting to begin actively blogging the last 80 days of Seminary! Woot! 80 days! 80! (does a little jump for joy).
As sad as it potentially could be, I'm overjoyed at the prospect of being done with school, being able to leave the paper writing behind, the stress of reading thousands of pages of academic books in a month, and being worried about the future behind. It's getting close, and as it does, I find myself caring less and less about what is going on around me. I just can't seem to invest myself in the community life anymore. Sure, I've got friends which I spend plenty of time with and talk through the future, argue over interpretations of theology, and laugh at the ridiculousness that is our classmates, but I just don't see the point in developing deeper ties to people I don't know well. It seems pointless, or maybe is just too much work for me right now. It would take effort to invest myself in someone else, and I'm too invested in getting myself out of here for now. And maybe that's how all seniors feel, so I'm not alone... However, I will say that at some time, I'll miss this place, maybe just not right away, and maybe not the assignments ever.
So through my intentions, and to savor as much as I can, and also to grieve as I have to, I hope to write more in here. To just throw it out there, mostly as an expression, but welcoming of all thoughts and encouragement as I prepare yet again, to leave a place.
Labels: leaving, seminary, stress, worries
End of the Begining.
And it has come, the end to the beginning of my seminary career. It has been a transformational, informational, and fruitful first year.
It amazes me how much I can still learn about myself, my relation to God, and my future vocation. People have such complex edges to them, and I am able to help them through some of the biggest celebrations and mournings they will ever have. I have the opportunity to celebrate, cry, laugh, and grow with many people. Not many people can say that their job can bring them even closer to their faith.
Although I understand that I am just showing God's light through me, it's awesome that I get to be a bystander and facilitator of that power. Think about it...I get to preach God's word, wow! I get to proclaim the good news to everyone. To share with people the grace that God gives each on of us, and to comfort them with the knowledge that God loves them and everyone so much, that God saves us through our faith in Jesus Christ's death for each of us. God died, so that God may save us.
What a powerful message I get to deliver? What a powerful comfort I am able to facilitate to people? Each day I realize in greater detail that God called me for a reason. God called me to share with people the talents and care that I have inherently within me.
Seminary has been an awesome experience in itself. I connected on multiple levels to people here, had theological discussions, wrote some formative papers, explored myself, and came out as an empowered and excited woman. I think this year has truly been the year that I came into my own. I grew, I formed my own opinions and ideas, I explored those ideas in papers, I formed my theology, I got a voice. A voice which will be shown throughout the rest of my career. I have the power to challenge the intellectual aspects of Christianity and theology, and I have the heart to connect deeply and care for those people who are in need of seeing God's love.
I have realized a lot about what I would hope for my ministry. I have chosen to have urban ministry be my concentration. A choice, which I think God has also called me to, in that I feel very connected to the situations that people in urban settings go through, and I also would like to challenge current systems that are in place in urban settings, creating social change, breaking social codes, and striving for social justice.
Overall, I think I am more excited about seminary now, then when I first entered. It's just where I am meant to be, and I'm glad that God finally got through and I listened. :)
This post was more for myself, then anything, to document where I have come from and how I have changed. Here's to a great summer being a chaplain. *raises glass*
Have a great summer kids! I shall post about my experience as a Chaplain as I can, but my hours will be crazy, so no promises.
Pace e bene.
Labels: change, chaplain, first year, grace, LTSP, seminary, summer, urban ministry
