Seminary Conclusions.

It gets so hard to walk away...

from you. I think I can do it, then you drag me right back with sweet talk. I did stand up for myself though. I told you how I feel, I told you how you affected me. You say that you care for me deeply. Do you know what that does to me? My heart leapt when you said that. You mean a ton to me. I've shared so much with you. Don't hurt me again. And I know you can't promise that, but I need you to at least care about me enough to set things straight with her. I can't promise you that I will be around and willing to wait for long. There are other guys that want to date me, and I let you know that I did go out with a few of them. I won't turn down their advances the next time. I deserve someone that truly will treat me like I am the world to them. Make me your world, and you will surely be mine, hell you already are. I think about you all the time, I can't get you out of my head. I try hard, I try to push you away, I try to make myself hate you, but I can't. Don't play me, it's not fair, not after all I have been through.

*sigh* Sorry for that, I just needed to get it out here. I told him all that mostly, but sometimes it's hard to share things with him. I know acting out my history isn't helpful to our relationship, but I can't not shut down when someone that I care about seems like they are leaving me. It's why I shut out Steven, it was easier that way. I am still mourning that relationship.

Alright, as for the rest of life...things are going pretty well. Jesse went off to SUNY Maritime last week. CPE is going well, stressful and forming, but well. I can't wait for the new harry potter stuff. (I know, I'm a dork.)

I think that's about it for now. I will try to post a more significant post sometime in the future. I need to finish reading some theology books and then I will post some new insights into religion.

Peace.

Labels: CPE, feelings, him, Jesse, me, my little girl, relationship, theology

posted by Dana @ 5:58 PM