Seminary Conclusions.

Dark Place.

I'm mad. I'm so extremely mad. But, I'm also sad, and hurt, and scared. That's right, I'm four out of five emotions, and none of them are good. I'd go on to analyze myself via my CPE skills (thank you Little Leslie that lives in my head), but I don't know that I can handle that right now.

I don't want to feel this way, I don't want to still have this kind of reaction, but I am. I just want to forget all of it, I want to forget I ever knew you. I want to forget the good and the bad, because it's all just too much. I'm broken now. I've been broken for a while, and I don't know how to fix myself.

I know I need to rely on God for this transformation, but it hurts so much waiting. Why can't it just be easy? Why did I have to be the one that got f'ed over? Is there something wrong with me? As Meredith says, "I'm dark and twisty." I don't want to be that any more. I want to be just 'glad.' Happy, content, joyful even. Yet, I can only hold down: sad, mad, hurt and scared. How did I get here? How did I let it get so far? How could I think he would change?

I'm sad for that chick. Because he hasn't changed at all. He doesn't even realize that it's him that messed me up. No, I can't do this. I can't talk about him anymore. It's done. He's done and gone. He never existed. Done.

Labels: dark, hurt, pain, twisty

posted by Dana @ 12:28 PM